Turns out…Siri is a better navigator than me. She got us to all of our destinations yesterday without one missed turn. Okay. There was one…but it all worked out, as it always does.

Here are some photos (I was going to say a few, but I had trouble narrowing it down to a few!) from our two day foray into life in The Hamptons. We agree that it’s a place we’d love to return to for…maybe two months. We think September and October would be nice because it’s clear that during high season the traffic and crowds would be a NIGHTMARE!

I know many of you will have similar stories – different locations, different times…similar challenges.

Let’s go back 32+ years. Glen and I were on our honeymoon in Spain. We started in London, made our way to Paris and then took the train to Barcelona. From there we rented a car and headed south. It was July 1989. We were young (ish!), in love, and still figuring out how to work through our marital challenges. Who am I kidding? Still figuring it out!

Glen differs with me on the location of this event, but you’ll agree with me in a minute. We were in Alicante in the south of Spain. We had a little rental car and since this was WAY before Gore’s invention of the internet (snark snark), we were getting around the old-fashioned way – with a map! Glen was driving and I was navigating…sort of – it’s not my best talent. We were tired, grumpy, likely hungry and couldn’t find our hotel as we got into town. The streets were narrow, a bunch were one way and everything was in… a foreign language-Spanish! Many of you know that I speak some Spanish, but when pushed to be the responsible communicator, I get a bit intimidated. So there might have been a little yelling, perhaps even tears, but I don’t think so. Glen wanted me to get out of the car and go ask someone for help. As I remember it, I got out of the car alright, but it was because I was done…divorce was imminent! And Glen drove off. We’d made it two-ish weeks, but I’d had it (Glen might have had it too)! Which is why I KNOW that we were in Alicante. The emotion of that moment is seared into my memory and heart. I can picture the street we were on and the corner on which I stood watching him drive away and I swear, if I went back, I could find that corner in a minute! I can’t remember how we solved our problem, but somehow we got back together, found our hotel, and saved our marriage.

Fast forward to 2021 heading to Long Island. We Ubered to JFK from Brooklyn (took Uber Pets with Dug) to pick up a rental car. Glen was driving and with two map websites open on my phone, I was navigating. Sort of. What could go wrong? All was well for about 30 seconds. Seriously. I missed a turn and we circled around the airport. Glen remained very calm. Ok. No problem. Around we go. Whoops. Missed a different turn. Three times a charm? Yep. Made it out of the airport and got the car pointed in the right direction. And we’re still married.

On we drove trying to be relaxed, retired travelers with all the time in the world to meander, wander, explore and even get lost. We did pretty well for the rest of the day though I must admit, navigating is still not my thing-there we’re a few more missed turns. But as Glen has recently written about having a philosophy of “continuous improvement” as part of a “meaningful life”, I’m trying. That’s the best I can do.

And WOW. It’s amazing what you can buy on Long Island with your $32 million in spare change! Anyone?

More photos to come.

Today marks the beginning of the final two weeks of our adventure here in NYC. Its highly likely the pending occurrence has contributed to melancholy I spoke of in my prior post. I’m finding that I tend to write more of these types of posts when I am working my way out of the melancholy. It is one of my ways of processing and to accelerate the way out. AND we have a full two weeks off experiences to come (Hamptons, the next bagel shop, American Utopia, lunch at Balthazar, and on and on!).

This mornings adventure (walk, subway, bagel, new experience) was fabulous and also sad at the same time. Fall is in the air. The seasons are turning and we will be leaving soon. And I also learned something. We took the C to the E and walked to 55th Street and 1st Ave (the lowest part of the Upper East Side). Quite and area of affluence. There we found Tal Bagels and I may have finally found my favorite bagel and cream cheese combination – toasted onion bagel with scallion cream cheese – Learning #1. It is a bit of a tourist faux pas to toast really good fresh bagels, but a habit I need to work on breaking. We then walked the mile plus over the 5th Ave and up to the SE corner of Central Park. Walking up 5th Ave in this area you pass MANY signs of affluence, or even extravagance. I’d come to almost resent NYC for this. Who knows, maybe the prior presidential administration contributed. It is interesting, we have spent so little time in these areas of NYC. Any ventures into these areas have been for specific things; lunch at Balthazar (three times so far and a certain fourth to come), bagels at a few different Upper West Side bagel shops, opera at the NY Metropolitan Opera House are a few. As I was walking up 5th Ave. I experienced something else. A kind of acceptance or simple acknowledgement of this is just part of an extremely complicated city – Learning #2.

You know when you meet someone or something and you take an immediate liking to it or them? I have learned to lean into these and make the effort to see where they might go. And sometimes the results of giving of myself pays off in many wonderfully fulfilling ways. Upon reflection I can not think of an effort I have expended post illness (2008/2009) that I haven’t reaped the bounty. I’m hoping many of my friends reading this know how much my relationship means in my life. I don’t say it often enough – thanks for the gift of you – Learning #3.

I feel the same way about NYC. JDT and I knew we were very fond of NYC before this adventure. I now know I LOVE NYC and not despite all of its challenges. Quite the opposite. I LOVE NYC because of all that it is! Learning #4.

So, its is with a heavy heart that we will wish NYC farewell in two weeks time. AND we will see you soon NYC. Promise!

The switch has flipped. I now go through each day thinking…Will this the the last time that I/we…before we head home? I’m trying SUPER hard to stay in the moment. It’s hard. Glen’s been a bit under the weather and/or working like a demon so I’ve had some days to meander on my own. I’ve not struck out on any major adventures, but I have enjoyed the neighborhoods around Bed-Stuy. Yesterday I went down the street to the café and just hung out and watched the world go by. I wrote some postcards and talked with the owner a bit. It’s kinda one of my favorite things to do.

Finally, we’ve had some beautiful fall weather, including a bit of wind and rain. This morning we went to NYC on our ongoing search for THE bagel. I think we were on the upper east side. Love the city when it’s not too crowded. It’s a miracle I don’t trip more often as I’m always looking up to where tops of the buildings meet the sky.

There was a line at the door at the bagel shop which is always a good sign. We agreed that it was one of the better bagels. Grabbed a coffee from a cute place on the corner and then we walked to the west to get to Central Park. It’s the perfect Sunday morning – sunny bright blue skies, puffy white clouds, breezy, and cool. A coffee and a bagel. A bench in the sun with views of a pond and ALL the people watching. Talked with a guy and his black lab, plus the guy who saw Glen’s Chico sweatshirt. He lived there when he was a kid. We wandered across the park enjoying the sights. I love how the city dwellers really make use of the green spaces. We saw birthday parties, many photography shoots (weddings, families, etc.), food carts, balloon animal makers, rock climbers, yoga practicers, bike riders, joggers, horse-driven carriages, pedicabs, tourists (not us, of course), old people, young people, and myriad other sights. I love the sounds, too – quacking ducks, honking geese, barking dogs, crying babies, laughter, voices, hawkers, helicopters, sirens in the distance, church bells, music including a saxophone…I could sit there and/or wander all day.

Tomorrow we are making an overnight trip to The Hamptons. We’ve never been and I just had this feeling that it would be a regret if we got home without going. I’m hoping to spend some time walking on the beach and just meandering the country roads and villages. I’m sure there will be some photos in a day or two!

(Note: I “drafted this email Friday evening after an exceptionally “taxing” (October 15th) week. I’m now editing Sunday morning on the subway in search of that perfect NYC bagel. What a perfect NYC experience.)

I hope you’ll stay with me. I promise to make this about more than just darkness.

We’ve been asked, why are you doing “this”. We’ve tried to provide some of the insight into our very human thinking on this. And it is nuanced.

I got a text with a follow up call from one of my dearest of all friends, Mike Quillin, earlier this week. His Dad’s death was imminent. He wanted to talk, ostensibly about trust and estate and other stuff that I have knowledge, but also, I sensed to just touch base with his friend. It was wonderful to hear his voice and just talk for a bit. Mike is a fellow traveler down the journey with life threatening illness. He’s my brother! AND I love him dearly!

It really doesn’t take much since my struggle with cancer for that part of me to get switched on. I try my best to only let it be appropriate, but sometimes I just need to talk. Mike’s Dad and my current struggles have led me to some melancholy. I used to fight it off. I’ve learned to just be with it and let it pass.

I’ve talked about my Dad some in earlier emails. Simply, I loved him, I just didn’t like him much. It is as much me as it his him. You see, my Dad retired at 51. And when I say retired, I’m not talking about anything similar to my transition from work. He literally walked out of his AT&T office in Sacramento one day in 1982 and never returned. I can’t even write me and “that” word (retirement) in the same sentence. Why you ask? Well, from my perspective, my Dad spent the next 37 years doing virtually nothing. At least nothing worthy from my perspective.

In early posts I’ve written about this (BK) being an opportunity to change habits. To build new habits. I have much of my Dad in me and not just his blood. I have a tendency to be less active than is good for me. I have a tendency to be less active than is good for my relationship with JDT. AND I’ve desperately wanted, and want to, change that. To evolve.

JDT and I have started to have conversations we have had very little of in the last 20 or 25 years. It is wonderful. And it at times includes discussions of our lives in front of us. I like to use the term “meaningful life” when I talk about what is around the bend for us. JDT asked me last night what that meant. What a great question! I had to think about that for a while. And I landed on a life built around continuous improvement. So, how is that any better than Meaningful Life you ask? To me it provides tremendous clarity. It provides the space for it to be on the spectrum versus a binary (yes/no) question. There will be moments of tremendous discovery. There will be moments of much less when you rest and relax and prepare for the next period of improvement, of evolution. Simply for me, it is evolve or die. Sometimes it will be one step forward, two steps back. Life works that way.

So, to try to answer those that ask why, we are doing this as a part of our continuous improvement journey. And it is joyous!!

I promised that after reconnecting with my cousins, I wasn’t done. A college friend had reached out to me about my college roommate, Therese. He was hoping to “find” her after 30+ years because he found her doppelganger. (He sent a picture. I thought it WAS her 30 years ago!) I wasn’t much help, but Wes did it!

And guess who reached out to me today? Yep. Therese. I told her that just seeing her name pop up in my FB DMs made me cry. She reminded me that we became roommates 40 years ago last August. Ouch. We talked for an hour. 30 years since we last caught up – that left us with a lot to talk about. My “work” for the day is done. What a joy!

Do it. Reach out. When life slows down, it provides all sorts of opportunities. Look for them. Take them. Enjoy them.

Update to the update of the update! I just got off the phone with my old (as in long ago!) job-share partner from San Clemente days, Julie. So that’s taking us back to 1990-91. I assumed she’d read my “Ebb and Flow” update and I thought…It’s working! Someone’s taking my advice! Nope. She hadn’t read it (though she’s been following along on our blog) so I guess I’m not as powerful as I thought! Still…I’m so glad we had a chance to chat!

Nothing earth-shattering…but the weather is absolutely delightful here. It actually feels like a California fall right now – warm and dry with a gentle breeze. This warm weather is delaying the fall colors so we may not get to enjoy that beauty like we were hoping. We are heading out to the Hamptons next week. It will be cooler there so maybe we’ll get that hint of fall color there.

We’ve been busy with some late nights which is way out of our norm! This week we saw Tina! on Broadway. Yes, I snuck in a couple photos. Notice that we were in the FRONT row! I needed a booster seat to see, but seriously…I’ve never had the star look right into my eyes while belting out “What’s Love Got to Do with It?” And oh my, can that woman dance?! It was a lot of fun though obviously her life was filled with a lot of drama. It was definitely a sing-along.

Wednesday we went to the Met Opera and saw “The Fire Shut Up In My Bones”, the first performance of an opera by a Black composer. In fact, it’s based on the memoir of Charles M. Blow, the NYT writer. The opera was written, directed, choreographed, and starred an entirely black cast. While we aren’t exactly “opera” people, it was such a wonderful experience to be there, watch all the fancy people, enjoy the beauty of the venue and just bask in the glory of NYC.

Last night we had the pleasure of dinner with cousin Randy, Alison and their daughters who both live in NYC. What fun to get to know them and enjoy a most delicious Italian meal. We PROMISED to get together at home. Keep us honest!

Phew. These old folks are tired! “Tonight” we’re gonna try to get into Lucali, a great small restaurant in Carroll Gardens. They serve two things, pizza and calzones. We tried a few nights ago, but this is how it goes. ..Their website says, “Come before 5:00. Put your name in. Go have a drink. We’ll call you.” So we got there at 4:45 and got in line to get in line. When we got to the front to put in our name, the next open table was at 10:30 that evening! So obviously we walked over to their “take out” restaurant a couple minutes away and enjoyed a slice at the outdoor tables. (By the way, they have a great bottled negroni there!) Today we’re going to go to Lucali at 3:15 and get in line to get in line. Hopefully we’ll eat by 6:00! Wish us luck!

We had the great pleasure of hanging out with my cousin, Randy and his wife Alison today. You might remember that in the original Ebb and Flow post I talked about reconnecting with my cousins who though not far away, we haven’t seen much over the years. We all get busy and there are lots of twists and turns in the river of life. It’s nice at this stage to be able slow down and share some laughs with people who matter – even if it’s all the way across the country!

Interestingly, Glen and I aren’t big garden/plant people, but we ended up meeting with Fremont and Stephanie at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden and we met with Randy and Alison at the New York Garden. Turns out it’s pretty nice to get out of the hustle of the city and relax in the green-turning orange and red foliage. The NY garden is freaking amazing with lots of space that feels like you’re far, far away in the woods. We barely scratched the surface of what’s there. Hmmm…will we return? Time will tell.

So thanks to my cousins for introducing us to the world of plants! And Randy and Alison – We look forward to seeing you and the girls on Thursday!

Okay. Those were a couple heavy posts. Have I mentioned how much I/we love it here? GAT loves it so much he took a red eye to get back here sooner! Or maybe it’s because he missed Dug and me!

Yesterday I took the subway over to the East River, south of the Brooklyn Bridge. There is a WONDERFUL park/walkway along the river that extends for more than a mile. It wanders through park-like nature areas and out onto piers and back along the edge of the city. The Manhattan skyline is always in view. There are soccer fields full of kids and adults playing with joy, fishing areas, yachts in the marina, multiple bridges crossing the river, the Statue of Liberty, and Governor’s Island. At the north end is DUMBO (I always forget what it stands for) where there is a carousel and a “food court” a la Chelsea Market or the Ferry Building in San Francisco. All along the pathways are plenty of seating options to sit and enjoy the scenery and some great people watching. Note the wedding photography going on! And though I didn’t have a ticket, the Brooklyn Nets were practicing at an outdoor facility and the public is invited to watch – if you knew about it and had a ticket. 😦

While the weather has definitely turned and it was a gray and chilly day (though I still was wore shorts), it was a beautiful way to spend a few hours. Enjoy.

I’ve attempted to write this blog post three times. And frankly, it’s devolved into a post about me. While I normally slog past that occurrence with debatable success. I really want this post to be about others; three wonderful others.

JDT (’82) and I (’83) are graduates of Chico State. For many MANY reasons that there is not enough blog space to accommodate, JDT and I care very deeply about Chico State. Simply put it is a major cog in the wheel of two well lived lives. AND while it may not have created the essence of JDT’s “inner conflict” post, it absolutely nurtured and enabled its development.

The picture above was taken this past Thursday in Chico. To my left is Chico State College of Business (COB) Dean Terence Lau. I was part of the hiring team that brought Terence to campus some three years ago. I’ve had the extreme pleasure of getting to know Terence and his family. Terence is leading great change at Chico State COB and is destined to do great things, and will only be limited by his aspirations. AND I don’t believe that will limit him in any way. The other two individuals are the very first Thomas Family Fellows. These were awarded during the pandemic, so this was our first chance to meet. To my immediate right is Dr. Hyunjung Kim. To the far left is Dr. Kirk “Damon” Aiken. We had a lovely lunch. The COB saying is “Company Worth Keeping”. INDEED!!

I’ve intentionally kept this post brief. If you are interested in it in any way, or have any questions, you know how to reach me.