First, Happy Easter EVERYONE!!

We left CA on April 6. We took four days for our drive and I think we’re finding our best way. Stops in Blythe-CA, Las Cruces-NM, San Antonio-TX and finally into NOLA. We had a nice coffee/visit with JDT’s sister Chris in Phoenix and some serious BBQ and laughter with friends Joan and Brian in San Antonio (my absolute favorite BBQ, Rudy’s in Leon Springs).

Last week I focused a bit more on work (upcoming April 18th deadline) while JDT dove right in to her exploring. The drive is hard on my body, so easing into the heavy walking this past week has really worked for me. This next week will be more adventure based with one or two work (play for me) things mixed in each day. Two lunch reservations made (Monday and Thursday). I said to JDT yesterday we could eat at a different spot every time and not make a dent in quality dining spots (dives to white table cloth!!).

Friends David and Mary come for most of a week of visit beginning on April 24th (my 64th birthday). They drive down from their home in Birmingham. We treasure our time with them. We’ll talk, walk, laugh, eat and drink (way too much for me these days). David introduced me to “the Brown”. I love him for that!!

I don’t believe in the concept of the “Bucket List”. I’ve always believed if there is something we want to do we simply add to our priorities, make choices and do it. AND we are going to JazzFest on the 1st weekend 29th, 30th and 1st. Advice from a longtime client (and friend) told us the way. We purchased Big Chief tickets. Let’s just say it is the most $ I have ever spent for tickets to an event – EVER. AND . . . One last thing, I’ll get to see Red Hot Chili Peppers as headliners on the main stage on Sunday. Our paths have never crossed. I was able to check David Byrne off my list while in NYC. Now RHCPs!! I sure hope Anthony and Flea bring their LEGENDARY energy (Niels – Don’t forget Chad Dad!!). I sure hope they perform Under The Bridge – RHCP anthem to LA.

AND by this time we’ll be nearly 50% of our way through our stay here in NOLA. You know I struggle with this mindset. STAY IN THE MOMENT GLEN!!

We’ve been asked…are you getting in a rhythm? We’re trying, but it is Glen’s busiest week of the year (extended to April 18 this year) so we’ve been sticking pretty close to home.

Our abode is on the outer edge of the Quarter which is a good thing because the crowds get annoying pretty quickly. My morning routine doesn’t vary much. I tend to get up, make and enjoy my (first) coffee, read the news, and then either I head out in search of that croissant that will rival Saraghina in Brooklyn or we both go, depending on Glen”s work load. I love the early morning because there aren’t many people out. (NOLA is a late night drinking town.)

After enjoying whatever treat I’ve returned with, I take Dug out for a walk. Right now we just head out in some direction to explore and wander the neighborhood streets. The other day we went through the Bywater which is a really cool neighborhood with corner coffee spots, restaurants and an artist’s enclave. I think we’ll be returning there frequently. Yesterday I was heading to a cemetery, but I was “walking and talking” with a friend and I ended up with no bars (cell phone bars, there are plenty of the other kind of bars). Kinda spooky so had to turn around! I did walk through Louie Armstrong Park and will go back to explore more. Today we walked along the river to the far side of the Quarter and by the time we were heading back, the town was teeming with people so time to scadaddle home!

Usually post Dug walk, Glen and I head out for a late lunch/early dinner and then wander a bit and/or head home so he can check in on the day’s work. Today I couldn’t wait for my favorite…a shrimp po’boy at Johnny’s. It’s such a dive of questionable cleanliness, but it’s the best. Sadly, we got there at 3:15 and they close at 3:30 so they were out of shrimp?! We settled for a beef po’boy as suggested by the cashier. Just not the same. Gonna have to go back next week after the Easter crowds.

We do have a lovely front porch so we enjoy spending the late afternoon sitting outside to watch the world go by and get annoyed by Dug barking at all the dogs, horses, and delivery people. (Our building currently has 3 dogs between our 4 units so he’s not the only barker.)

This afternoon we wandered down to the neighborhood corner bar. Glen was reminded of the bars of his youth – kind of an experience. I learned that I shouldn’t order a “cocktail”. It needs to be a shot or maybe a gin and tonic if I’m stretching my luck. I chatted with a couple people who live in NOLA, but had lived or experienced California. They were very friendly and gave me great restaurant and walk ideas in the Bywater. I had a cocktail and because we are in NOLA, I put it in a to-go cup and brought it home! Turns out the bar is also dog-friendly so Dug can go next time. Tuesday is “boil” night so we’ll be back then for sure.

Speaking of Dug, he has become quite the urban dog. I was telling Glen that very little bothers him anymore. He used to balk at loud sounds, people petting him, animals, grates in the sidewalk, etc. Now he takes it all in stride and just struts his way down the street sniffing all the smells. I mean all the smells because after all, it is NOLA.

Do you ever use a word and wonder if you are using it correctly? I do and I did this morning. All I was doing was searching for coffee and croissants. Simple task. And then…

As I wandered the damp, quiet streets of the French Quarter in the early morning, I found myself feeling emotional. You know that feeling that starts brewing in your stomach (no, not that feeling), moves up through your heart, lodges in your throat, and then exits through your tears? That’s what I was feeling as I wandered the streets admiring the architecture and the sounds of the Quarter waking up. I walked with this feeling trying to identify what was causing it. My first answer was that it was a deep feeling of being so blessed.

Hmmm…blessed? Blessed. Was that the right word? Let’s see, according to the dictionary it means...consecrated, sacred, holy, sanctified. Definitely not the right word. Another definition is worthy of adoration, reverence, worship, divinely or supremely favored. That’s an hilarious thought. How about fortunate? Closer, but not quite right. Blissfully happy or contented? Closer yet. But I’m still not sure that any of those last three (fortunate, blissfully happy or contented) quite define my early morning emotion.

So what was it? I definitely felt a sense of conflict in my emotion as I thought about it which complicated the feeling. There was a sense of being fortunate. I mean, having the opportunity at this point of our life to live this life is definitely fortunate. But doesn’t fortunate intimate luck? Do I feel lucky? Yes and no. I know some of my luck comes from the privilege of my skin color. There are hurdles in life for people who don’t look like me that I didn’t even know existed, let alone experienced. There is definitely luck in life, but there’s also hard work and hard choices. We’ve done both. So yes, we’ve been fortunate and…I guess this is where my feeling of conflict comes up. I/we have worked hard and made hard choices. But we aren’t alone in that effort and others work even harder and make even harder choices with different results. Where’s their luck or fortune? Our luck or fortune has provided us opportunities for success. Sort of like being in the right place at the right time, but more like being the right person with the right tools. Skin color, zip codes, and other privileges can’t be the systematic deciding factors in determining one’s luck. That’s just not right and it’s not sustainable in our society.

So I’ve got to move on to…blissfully happy or contented? I guess maybe contented is closest? The dictionary says it means satisfied with what one has; not wanting more or anything else. Yes, if I’m just considering my own situation and not others. And so it’s still not quite right. I can’t be content when others don’t have the luck of experiencing the same feeling – of being the right person with the right tools.

Maybe the word I’m looking for is grateful: warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received. True. Not a complete explanation, but true both aspects are true. And back to blessed? Definitely not a word for me in its dictionary sense. My interpretation of it works better for me: born into luck, having good fortune and figuring out what to do with it. I think I’ll just live with those thoughts for now.

So back to my early morning wandering…I was beginning our search for the best croissant and coffee in the French Quarter. Still searching…

We started this blog SO long ago – back in July asking, “Can we? Will we?”. We wrote about our travels, our adventures in and around Brooklyn and NYC, and we mused on life’s big questions. After our 3 month journey, I think that Glen and I agreed that we could and we did! We both found that we enjoyed writing about our experiences and loved when we received feedback (hint hint). Then we got home and…meh…neither of us had the urge to write much. For me, don’t get me wrong. Life in Walnut Creek is grand. I love it there. And maybe I didn’t want to bore you with my daily drivel?

So here we are in April , nine months later and after much conversation, negotiation, and exploration…we are headed to New Orleans for our next grand adventure until the end of May!

We left WC today and are spending night one of our journey with Dug in beautiful Blythe, CA.Tomorrow we go straight through AZ (with a stop at a coffee shop to see my sister in Phoenix) and we will stay in Las Cruces, NM. Saturday night will find us visiting the Mikitens in San Antonio (at the Holiday Inn Express by the airport because we are fancy that way) and Sunday will find us at our apartment on Governor Nicholls Street in the French Quarter of New Orleans! Let the adventure begin!

So since I’m just sitting here in the hotel room, whiling away the evening in Blythe…here’s how our first day went.

After hugs to Blair at 5:45 and a stop at Peet’s, we hit the road in our rented Rav4. Everything was great…little traffic, beautiful sunrise and then…traffic came almost to a halt on I-5 on the Grapevine. We crawled along at less than 5 mph for at least 45 minutes until we got to the horrific accident where two trucks with cranes were pulling two semis up the hill where they had rolled. A bulldozer was cleaning the freeway of debris. A scene like that makes one take a breath and be grateful for one’s safety. I thanked my lucky stars, sent my good wishes to the drivers, and onward we went.

We pulled into beautiful Blythe at 3:45. Hotel is brand new! Woohoo! Except they had an accident and there’s no power till at least 9:00 and it’s 97 degrees. Okay. What else is in town? Brand new Hampton Inn and they just started taking pets! Woohoo. Except the pet fee is $75, but what are you going to do? We entered the room. It was new, very nice and rather large-plenty of room for Dug to roam. (What that really means is that there’s a couch for him to sleep on because after all…he’s only slept for 10 hours on the road today.) But what did Dug do upon entering? He immediately walked in the door, straight to the carpet (off of the tile entry) and threw up on the brand new carpet! Of course he did. 🤓🙃🤣🤓😵‍💫 Guess we’re getting our money’s worth with that $75 dog fee!

It has been said that opposites attract. And then there are those sayings… birds of a feather, two pigs in a poke…which indicate that like-minded/behaving creatures attract. Glen and I have been together for 37 years. We are definitely NOT cut from the same cloth. Our differences show up in SO many ways – and at the moment, planning our next big adventure demonstrates how differently we think! And yet, in the end, I think that it’s our differences that provide success. I’ll explain.

Glen has a great analogy for how we make decisions. I’ll let him tell you about it, but in a nutshell as he tells it – he dives into a decision and I take my time getting there. True, though I think that he ruminates in his head so I can’t actually see his thinking. AND I think out loud. So you can see where this is going. He gets to a decision and shares it with me and THEN I take that as my cue to START processing it, thinking about it, talking about it, researching it…and then MAYBE I’ll be ready to make a decision. You can imagine how my method drives him nuts.

So here we are NOT two peas in a pod…planning a four month trip with ALL kinds of considerations starting with…where the heck do we want to go? That first question itself is a doozy! And all I will say on that decision is…there is compromise on both sides. Yes, there is the location bucket list and then there are issues like…weather (Glen is eternally cold and I love heat which sounds like a match, but it’s not), he likes to stay in one place for awhile, I like to go, go, go, COVID, oh and the threat of WWIII, but other than that…easy AND peasy as my Afghan student, Arsh used to say.

So divide and conquer is sometimes our best method for decision-making. In this case, once we had decided on the “big rock” locations, we reverted to our usual roles; I began the search for housing and Glen started the travel logistics. This is where we sometimes hit a bump because he can’t really make those plans until I have confirmed lodging locations and as you might have guessed…sometimes on my part there is a lot of back and forth researching, thinking, processing, and talking about the planning! And there is also a lot of back and forth communicating with the various potential landlords (Airbnb, VRBO, etc.). So Glen has learned that it helps me speed up the process (have you seen how quickly the price of transportation is increasing?) by asking me to set a deadline for my lodging decisions which actually does get me moving! Urgency IS a motivator!

We have now finalized all lodging except the last destinations in Italy (Verona, Napoli and Rome) so while I get those firmed up (guess who is creating the current bump in planning?), Glen can work on getting us from London to the Isle of Arran, Scotland and from there to Canterbury, England. After a month in Canterbury, we need transportation to Paris and from there to Nice. Our last weeks in Europe will be spent in Italy and since that doesn’t happen till September…we have time…unless Glen needs to get us a Eurail pass, but that’s his department so…guess who needs a new deadline?!

So two peas in a pod? Nope. More like macaroni and cheese. They’re okay separately, but they are best together.

And I must close by recognizing that ours are not life or death decisions. Much of the world, especially Ukrainians are living through a real dilemma where their decisions might truly be the difference between life and death. They don’t have the luxury of time to ponder their choices. Or to write about them…

And finally (the REAL “finally”), as a teacher, I learned that leaving students with a question prompted more responses. So in the hopes of encouraging a few comments…tell us about your “peas in a pod” or “opposites attract” decision-making experiences. Or any other thoughts you might have…We’d love to hear from you!

It’s been months. One of my last posts questioned why I was inclined to write when traveling and not so much when home. Is it the increased level of adventure? More deep thinking when away from my nest? Is it the slipping back into old, comfortable routines?

Whatever it is…here’s my thought for today…two years ago WHO declared a pandemic. That day will go down in history like JFK’s assassination, Hiroshima, D-Day, December 7, 9/11, and other life altering events. It’s one of those days where you can picture yourself when you heard the news. Time stopped.

I think the difference this time was that we didn’t really know what a “pandemic” was going to mean for our lives. And we certainly didn’t see the “moment” in history lasting two plus years. In the USA, only our grandparents had any personal experience with a pandemic. Vaccines had erased earlier pandemic scares from our world. This “pandemic” news created a sense of uncertainty and with access to all the news sources, there was a lot of conflicting mis/dis information, much of which was not useful. It felt like we were immediately thrown into hyper info-processing mode on a rapidly changing topic of which we had no experience.

On March 11, 2020, I was home planning our annual St. Patrick’s Day party when all of a sudden Glen, Blair, and Niels came through the front door bearing their computers, monitors, and sundry other equipment announcing they were going to have to work from home “for awhile”. Awhile?

I immediately went from planning a party to figuring out how to serve three squares a day to four adults. All this as I navigated the new grocery shopping experience. (Remember wiping down each product before setting it on the counter?) AND we “postponed” our St. Paddy’s party – as we told our guests – for a week or two. A bright side? The party postponement did leave us with 15 pounds of corned beef to consume as I had already purchased it!

We all have memories of those first days – all the same and yet individualized by our circumstances. And here we are two years later, just beginning to open up our lives, our world when BOOM – literal “incoming” occurs in Ukraine. No words.

So at this new, strange time of uncertainty, I’ve been thinking…

Glen and I are finalizing our upcoming two month stay in New Orleans …

AND we are in the throes of planning a three month adventure in Europe with a fourth month back in New York. The strangest thing about this planning process is that so many of my research sources – blogs, websites, travel magazines, etc. are so outdated – back to 2019-20 because that is when our world as we knew it, stopped. It feels like a sci-fi movie scene as I turn from blog to vlog to magazine article to travel website – Literally, there are two missing years from our history, from our lives, from our world.

Do-do-do-do (Sing the Twilight Zone music and you’ll get it.)

I’ll close with this – Is it time to create our new (his/her) story? Are we crazy? Maybe.

Time will tell.

And just a tease…here are a few photos of the places we will be staying in Europe…There are a few more weeks at the beginning and towards the end that we are still filling in. Let the blog restart begin!

I probably should go back and read posts I’ve written earlier. I may be repeating myself. But this thought or theme is something that has been on repeat in my mind and my life throughout my life. It is something that comes into play in the most profound experiences of life and in the most mundane.

Relationships.

Think back to your earliest memories. Do you see a place? Maybe. A thing? Maybe. An emotion? Maybe. AND I’d wager that your earliest memories have to do with a person or perhaps people (family? neighbors? grandparents?). I am notorious for having a TERRIBLE long term memory (and my short term isn’t so great either!). I’m wondering about my earliest memories – will they be centered on people, places, things, or emotions?

Here’s an example where they all come together – I think I was about 3, maybe 4. One morning, I was sound asleep (this part has been told to me) and my mom had to run my sisters up to the elementary school that was only a couple short blocks away. She didn’t want to wake me (I’ve always been a bit grumpy upon waking in the morning, but that’s another post) so she took the chance on going and returning before I woke up. Oops.

Here’s where my memory kicks in. I woke up in a house where no one was home except me. I went to the front door and opened it. I think there was a screen door there then and I looked across the street toward our neighbor’s house (place), the Herzer’s. As I was terrified, I started screaming and crying (emotion) until I think it was David, came running across the street to see what was the matter (person). He stayed and comforted me until my mom returned, a bit chagrined.

So was it the emotion, the place, or the person. In this case, I’m going with the emotion.

When I was six, we moved up the hill and up the hill from that house was Dunsmore Park. (Yes, the Densmore’s lived on Dunsmore Ave. Weird, huh?) In those years, there was an incredible summer recreation program for kids. It was run by “Lippy”. (I think his “real” name was Mr. Lipniski.) All summer long there were games, pet shows, a wading pool, drama classes, snacks, kid-made carnivals, and more. I don’t really remember much about the activities (except that Tuffy won the “longest tail” in the pet show), but…

…what I do remember about those summers was that I woke up (grumpy), ate some cereal and then hurried up the hill to the park as soon as I knew the staff would be there. I hung out at the wading pool EVERY DAY of those summers because the lifeguards (all young women) treated me like I a junior lifeguard. They were kind and engaging and must have liked kids. They always made me feel like I was their favorite. They made me feel important and that I contributed to the fun ambience of the pool. They also gave me responsibilities like testing the water for chlorine and cleaning out the leaves. (Likely they just found someone who would do the chores with a smile!) I remember one lifeguard in particular who had found a lost kitten. She asked if I wanted to adopt it. I did, but I had a dog and parents who weren’t too keen on pets. And yet, they let me adopt “Sunshine”. Sadly, it didn’t work out because our dog, Tuffy, was having none of it so we had to take the cat to the Pound. Side story – Sunshine ended up making it in the local newspaper because the day we dropped her off a reporter did a story on pets for adoption at the Pound. I always comforted myself with the thought that she was likely adopted because who would see that cute kitten and not go get her?

Anyway, back to the people…I looked up to all of those lifeguards in their white shorts and red shirts. I literally stayed there every day from the moment they started filling the pool in the morning until the moment they started draining it in the afternoon. Then I went home, walking in the gutter with the chlorinated pool water rushing down the street. One time I even got a bee sting in that leaf-filled gutter water, but it didn’t matter – I’d get up and repeat the process every one of those long days of summer.

So people are key to my summer memories though place and emotion play important roles, too.

You see where I’m going here? Me neither. Seriously, when I started this post I thought that the memories I would share would focus on the people. So far…it’s at least a mix of people, place and emotion.

Let me get to an example that I KNOW will focus on the people – my first job.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE Trader Joe’s. I think I may have mentioned that I worked there WAY back in the 70s when it was a different kind of store. BUT one thing that has not changed…the culture of that store is ALL about relationships – between “crew members” and customers. Even 50 (ouch!) years ago I can attest that we were encouraged to be a collaborative, supportive team of colleagues. We were encouraged to engage with our customers, know them by name, help them find products and HAVE FUN! There was no job too trivial for management to complete or to high falutin’ for a young teenager to attempt. I have super fond memories of Mr. P, Kim, Dick, Cindy, Mike, Tony and so many others. It was the BEST job for a teenager; the hours were flexible, pay was great, plus even as a part-timer, they contributed to my retirement. When I “retired” in 1980, I got $27! But I think that the real importance of this experience was learning that having positive relationships at work, makes work feel less like work and more like a fun family. I think this early experience is why as a teacher, I always looked for a school where we worked together as a team.

And one more thing about Trader Joe’s – I mentioned at the beginning of this post that this theme of relationships matters in profound AND mundane moments of life. Is there anything more mundane than food shopping? (Don’t answer that. I know that there are hundreds of mundane tasks that we do every day!) And yet, to this day, every time I go to TJ’s, some crew member connects with me as a shopper. There is still a feeling of being a part of the “crew” and that as a shopper, I have a “relationship” with Trader Joe’s. That doesn’t happen at Safeway so going there is drudgery whereas going to TJ’s can be fun. (Maybe someday I’ll write about my very unhappy relationship with Safeway. But that would just turn into a complaint-fest.)

Okay. Trader Joe’s memories definitely focus on people and relationships. (Phew. Found one that fits my theory.)

Which brings me to my many years in education. Except…this post is long enough so I think that I’m going to ponder my post on relationships in education a bit longer. It’s too important to gloss over quickly and it merits its own post.

What do you think so far? Where do relationships fit into your bank of memories?

What a silly blog post title!?!

It is January 1st, so absolutely Happy New Year. 2021 was such an interesting year. Much struggle (COVID, diverging social structure and on a personal level – health and my continued evolving relationship with work). AND a wonderful amount of adventure. This whole Blog is dedicated to our evolving adventures, so enough on that.

I’m in as good a “place” as I’ve been in many, MANY years heading into 2022. For most of the last 40 years the turn to a new year always brought the prospect of what we refer to in my business as Busy Season. It is only in recent iterations that I have grown to love Busy Season. Admittedly that is contributed to by my diminishing role in the ultra grind of tax and financial statement compliance. So, there is that aspect, yet it also feels like so much more. I’m learning to let go and let my baby (TYS, LLP) grow up without my heavy handedness. I have children, yet I didn’t birth them. Chris York and I (with Tim Shortsleeve coming later) birthed TYS, LLP. At least emotionally. Having the confidence that your “baby” can go out in the world free of one’s heavy handedness is a truly wonderful feeling. AND letting go is so incredibly hard.

So, what is this thing about FIRE. Well, FIRE is a thing. It is an acronym for Financial Independence Retire Early. Read about it if you are interested. There are some wonderful guides out there that will help you ask the right questions.

I’ve been living this since I graduated college at 25 in 1983 and entered the “professional” workforce. My grandmother, whom I have written about extensively, was a huge influence on this part of me. First, I am an accountant, so I like to measure things. It’s what we do. From day one I always maxed my contributions to retirement accounts. AND when JDT and I got together / married in the mid to late 80s we continued to use various vehicles AND to become habitual savers. Our savings goals always had equal seats at the table with our plans for vacations / adventure. I somehow knew there would be benefits from this path, I just didn’t yet call it financial independence.

Life always presents us opportunities. The only questions are do we have our eyes and ears open AND are we receptive to them as opportunities? In 1993 I was fortunate to have met someone who became an incredibly important part of my life. Jim Gebhardt and I met on a golf course at a trade association golf tournament. At the time Jim had recently moved to the Bay Area from Western NY (whole separate story). Jim was working at Aetna Surety as a surety bond underwriter. So we had mutual client interests and could therefore get our employers to pay for some or most of our early golf boondoggles. Jim’s career evolved to become a financial advisor, first with Merrill Lynch, then with Smith Barney and finally where he is today – owner of his own independent financial services firm, Gebhardt Group, Inc. (GGI). I became a client of Jim’s from his early days at ML. To make a real long story short, I am a RAVING fan of Jim and GGI. If you want someone to partner with in your financial life, there are many really good options available. However, if you want a partner in your life who happens to use financial tools, seek out Jim and GGI. It will make a difference. For the Thomas family, it is foundational!

I refer to myself as a “recovering planner”. It’s meant to be a bit of a humorous spin on “recovering alcoholic”. My point is, left to my instincts, I will create a plan for most everything. Early in our relationship JDT and I were polar opposites in this respect. Live in the moment versus plan for everything. Our progress has been meeting in the middle. I believe I was a good guinea pig for Jim to play out much of his vision for how to run GGI. If results matter in the judgement of success, well you get my point.

The real point of this post is to discuss my “struggle” with FIRE. All of the above was to create a context for the discussion that follows.

Previously, I’ve blogged extensively on my views of struggle. Simply, it is the good stuff in life. Or, maybe more accurately, usually the precursor to the good stuff in life.

I see there being two, clearly separate, yet highly connected aspects to FIRE. Financial Independence AND Retirement Early. Yes, we have had a fair bit of struggle with the FI part of FIRE. There was a time in 2008 where we considered bankruptcy as an option. But outside of that difficult time, it has been a steady, slow slog. The only way I know how to eat an elephant is one bite, one day at a time.

AND the RE part of FIRE has been a wholly different experience. In many ways I consider myself to have two very different lives – pre and post cancer. I still consider February 17, 2009 to be my 2nd life birthday. It was the day I was declared “free of disease” or as lay people like to say, cured! It was such a huge mental shift for me. I began to live more in the current (less, but more strategic planning), I started to think more deeply about life after work. I was unable to work for 4 to 5 months while in treatment. Work was taken from me. AND I realized how much my work meant to me. How much I LOVED it! I even began to contemplate a date for “retirement”. Then in 2015 while doing some deep planning with my TYS partners, I first used a date – June 30, 2020. Everything I did at TYS from that point contained an element of June 30, 2020. At first it was on the periphery. AND as we got closer it moved more to the middle of the room. Frankly, TYS did a wonderful job of preparing itself as much as possible. Me? The results have been more spotty. My early efforts involved exploring things I could do that would plug one passion in place of another. This included teaching at Chico State. I even “co-taught” a couple of sections of Principles of Financial Accounting. I also explored starting a cancer support group. Each of these efforts are on pause, as in fall of 2020 I learned there was other work to be done first.

I’ve not blogged about Jim Kelley. Hardly believable for me as not more than a couple days goes by that I don’t think of Jim. He entered my life in 2003 or 2004. We shared a mutual client. We collaborated on that client. Jim was a life coach. Jim had a very interesting background. He touched my life in ways few have. Jim passed 8ish years ago. I still bring him with me to most important meetings. Jim’s life partner is Jennifer Kelley. Jennifer is ying to Jim’s yang. They were magical together. I was talking with Jennifer about 3 or 4 months after June 30, 2020. She, like Jim is a great questioner AND even better listener. She asked me how I was doing. Normally, I would have said something like fine, and gone on to what would have likely been an unfulfilling conversation. Not this time, I said a was struggling. Jennifer knows me well, and knows TYS, etc. She asked a few more questions that I tried to hold myself together to answer. Then she asked me if I wanted her opinion. Swallow hard, YES! She went on to offer that it might be possible that I had suffered a loss on June 30, 2020. AND that before I could effectively move forward that I needed to grieve my loss. LOSS? Hell, nobody died. As a matter of fact, this was THE PLAN! So, how could it involve loss. We talked for another 10 to 15 minutes and it became clear my loss was of my career (life long love affair), my relationship with my partners (no longer in THE ROOM where the MAGIC is created) and that my baby had grown up and was ready to leave the nest. WOW! And from this point improvement occurred. Yep, it has been a bumpy road when one tapers off of habits. I’ve always been a cold turkey person. I went off Oxycodone (part of pain management during treatment) after 4 months cold turkey. With my relationship with TYS, I was tapering.

Why am I so optimistic now? Well, when we got back from BK in November I found myself back in old tired habits. This got to the point where JDT called me out on it. As a conflict avoider, it takes a lot for JDT to confront. So WHY? I’m coming to realize I have reached another bump in the road of tapering. This one was again my mindset. I was still connecting, or making everything dependent on my perception of TYS doing what I believed they should be doing to guarantee success. I wasn’t, in my mind and framework, letting them have their own struggles and believing in their successes. I don’t need to solve their problems. I should focus on ME. They will be fine. They are fine. They are GREAT! So, I am working really hard at decoupling my life from TYS all the while creating all the joy possible from the work I do at TYS. It feels somehow different. Hence my optimism as we enter 2022.

Happy 2022!!

I’ve been thinking about a post for a long while. And wondering…why was it so easy to find topics while we were in Brooklyn? We’ve been home for a month and a half and I’ve posted once. It was “Is Happiness a Place?”. I often profess that there is much happiness to be found in the little things. In fact, I believe that the little things are the essence of happiness. If we spend all of our days waiting for the big things to make us happy, then I think we will largely be disappointed. So why haven’t I been inclined to write about the small things while at home? Are blog posts only merited when there’s a big thing? Do the many small things that occur daily merit their own post?

Did I live a profound life in Brooklyn and a not-so-profound life here at “home”? Am I more observant when I’m away from home? Do I pay attention to the details more? Do I take things for granted here? Is life away just more interesting? Do I have more time for reflection? Is there something about newness when away?

Wait. I think that’s it. At least it rings true right now. Newness creates profoundness. Newness creates a finer sense of detail. I pay attention more. I observe more, therefore I have more thoughts. Routine and familiarity deny profundity. (Wow. I keep coming back to that thought – routine vs familiarity. See earlier posts.)

Solution. Slow down and pay attention. Note the details. Stop and reflect. AND do new things. Go to new places. Meet new people. Learn new things.

NEW = Profound? Maybe?

Great minds think alike. Glen texted me yesterday saying that he’d written a post. I had been making some mental (and recorded) notes about thoughts that had been rolling around in my head. And since we’ve returned, many people who I didn’t even know were reading our blog, reached out and asked us to continue. Thank you for your encouragement. Here goes…

There are many sayings about “place” that resonate with me…home is where the heart is….a place in time…happiness is a direction, not a place…somewhere over the rainbow…home on the range…I understand that my interpretation of “place” may be broad, but my real question is…Is happiness a place?

Returning to Walnut Creek after our 3+ month trip east, I found that what I looked forward to upon our arrival was reconnecting with the people who make it home. Family is the first thing that makes a “home”. The presence of Niels and Blair in Walnut Creek creates that sense of “place”. Friends also create that “place”. They provide many joys – be they hiking friends, make-me-laugh friends, make-me-think friends, listening friends, pushing me friends, dinner table friends…you know and have those people in your lives, too.

And I think that what I learned on my meanderings in Brooklyn is that happiness is not a place. “Place” holds many memories – activities in a place, the beauty of a place, the food of a place…and what I deem to be the real importance of “place” – the people in a place. When I think of what really mattered in Brooklyn – after all the photos, all the walks, all the food – it was the people who made the memories. The people who created the “place” in my heart. I have thousands of photos of buildings, nature, street art, bridges… and few photos of the people of New York and yet my strongest memories are the faces and words of the people. People whom I will likely never see again, but whose small and large kindnesses have touched my heart.

So going forward, wherever we may land, I’ll be looking to the people – the strangers, the family members, the neighbors, the new and old friends, the shopkeepers, the street peddlers, the unhoused, the baristas, the restaurateurs, the passersby, the Metro riders, all the people…and maybe I’ll become that weird old, white-haired lady sitting on the park bench photographing the “place” by photographing the people who are the true heart of a place because…

“Place” is where the heart is.