i’ve been out of town and I wasn’t going to write today…but it’s 8:36 pm and I can’t let this day go by without celebrating Niels.
I just reread a couple posts from last year…and really I nailed it so I’ll let this one be short.
My Letter to Niels –
Dear Niels,
I miss you. I miss you every day. Every night. Every every every…
And even more on “special days”
It seems that as this day has approached…I’ve noticed your presence around me. I love it when I notice you hanging around…
Today is a “special day” as it’s your birthday. I just glanced at the clock and noticed that it was the moment you entered the world – 36 years ago. The moment you changed my world. Thanks for getting me to check my watch at that moment.
You’ve been nudging me all week…
I was in Tahoe for Board meetings and yesterday when I was talking with some Chico people on the patio, two light yellow butterflies kept fluttering around me. I was completely distracted as I watched them weave in and around me. I knew you and Dad were there “with” me…enjoying the moment with me.
Several of our Board conversations were about career counseling, planning and support for students. It made me think of how you took advantage of the services and counseled others to seek an internship, attend the “Meet the Firms” events and network. You were wise beyond your years and you were such a good friend to your peers. It made me proud as I thought about you at that time of your life. And it made my conversation richer for having learned from your experience. Thank you.
Last night, we were on a sunset cruise on Lake Tahoe. One of the guests reminded me of you so much. I kept following him around with my eyes…trying really hard not to be creepy, but wishing it were really you. I wanted to approach him and tell him how much he reminded me of you, but I just don’t know how that conversation with a stranger would be received. Would I get an “okay, crazy lady”? Or maybe just an awkward silence? It just seems too weird. And in the end, I might just end up disappointed or sad. Or maybe it would be an opportunity to connect with someone new? I wasn’t brave enough last night, but I sure did enjoy “seeing” you there laughing with friends.
And, by the way, you would have loved the boat cruise because it was full of Chico people and there was lots of food and cocktails…and per normal with a Chico crowd – there was so much laughter and camaraderie among the guests. The sunset wasn’t bad, either.
On my way home today my “check tire pressure” light came on. It was a “WWND” moment. What would Niels do? (I also tried to channel Dad.) I listened to you and pulled off on the first exit that looked like I’d find a place to get some help with air. It was a Honda dealership and they were actually closed, but the kind woman told me where I’d find a Big O Tire store. I pulled in there and the young man who helped me could not have been nicer or more concerned for my safety. He politely checked my tires, added air where needed and told me to take my car to the shop when I got home. He wouldn’t accept any payment. Thank you for watching over me and giving me good advice today.
So to my first-born, my favorite son…Happy birthday. You’ve been on my mind and you’re always in my heart. Especially today…
I love you, Niels Thomas. I always have. I always will.
Forever and ever…
Can We? Will We? 