Hope and Worry

We’ve established that life is full of twists and turns. – throughout our lives we experience so many unpredictable events – joys and sorrows, curiosities and questions, fun times, dreamy times, scary times.

And then…there are those events that you maybe were expecting, but the unpredictability is in the timing. Not the “if” it’s going to happen, but the “when”.

Like…you always knew you’d go to college, but would it take you 4 years, 9 years, or maybe you actually changed your mind and skipped it all together? And then you figured that someday you’d get married, but would you still be in your party years, your college years, your career years, your later years…or maybe never after all? And kids? Sure? Maybe? Yes, absolutely! Or no thank you, I have a dog.

And then a friend once asked me…why do I think about life in that order? Remember. It’s full of twists and turns. Be ready…Maybe it’s kids then marriage, then college? Maybe it’s career, another career, and another career, skipping all the other “steps”? Life is unpredictable.

And of course, we all know that we will have an end. An expiration date. A “use by…” date. As Mrs. Bruce, my Home Ec teacher at Clark Junior High used to say…Only two things in life are certain…You will pay taxes and die. (Of all the things I must have learned in junior high, why is that the only thing I remember?)

So in the meantime, from the time that we are old enough to understand the unpredictability of life and we learn the skills to just go with it, to manage it, and flourish through it all…I’m thinking about how we actually spend our lives – the days, years, decades…or maybe better said…how do we experience the unpredictability of our lives?

I was chatting with Dr. Trudy, a wise doctor, the other day and we talked about life and death and our paths through life to death. We agreed that there will always be hard times, unbearable times and the “easy” times will often feel like a fleeting moment in time; often viewed through rose-colored glasses in our memories. And she said, “We can hold hope and worry at the same time”. Huh? Hope and worry?

As we talked, it occurred to me…it is a truism that how we experience this unpredictable life really depends on how we approach it – what we do with it, how we think about life and how we share our life experiences with others – specifically how we build relationships and share our emotions with others in times of hope and worry.

And how we might carry them together. Hope and worry – they seem so separate?

That phrase that Dr. Trudy shared with me has really stuck with me and it reminds me of something Glen used to say all the time…”It’s a paradox” meaning that two disparate things can be true at the same time. It used to irk me so much every time he said it…I always heard, “blah-blah, blah-blah, blah-blah…”

So when Dr. Trudy said…We can hold “hope and worry” at the same time…I had a lightbulb moment…Glen was right…again, darn it.

In this moment – at every moment…life can be scary and also filled with gratitude and hope. Lately, I’ve found hope in every conversation I have with friends and family – with every offer of support and encouragement. And with the hugs felt from everyone near and far. Hope.

And I worry. Glen’s health is tenuous, at best. There is a certain predictability that we are facing…together. And as I sit with my worry, I hold it in one hand and I squeeze it, seeking answers …At the same time, I am also holding hope in the other hand. And I squeeze it, too. i squeeze HARD. Hope.

Life is a paradox.