Winter Solstice

I’m no writer, but I’ve read enough poems and essays to know that “winter solstice” is a stand in for the spirit of hope – for the return of the peace, light and warmth to our hearts, our lives, our earth.

Is it coincidence that winter solstice also comes near the time of Christmas, Hanukkah, the beginning of new years, and so many more celebrations of light and rebirth? Maybe. Maybe not.

There is no holiday or pagan celebration that will “turn the page” on grief. No date on a calendar will give me hope of a “new beginning”. No ringing of bells, singing of carols, nor lighting of candles will bring a spirit of rebirth to my broken heart.

But could there be a new peace? Is there a place where there is evidence of a new feeling of warmth? Of love? Can I find a place in my heart to carry my grief with softness? With acceptance? Can I wear my grief like a soft glove that protects my hands from the rough surfaces of life?

I saw “A Christmas Carol” three times this year. (I’m a volunteer usher at the Lesher Center for the Arts.) Three times. I know Scrooge and I are not the same. Our hearts are hardened for different reasons. He’s completely without compassion for his community. Truth is…he doesn’t even have compassion for himself. But given three caring ghosts who love him enough to teach him a lesson…he opens his heart (and pocketbook) and learns how to give and receive love. And three times I softly cried in the theater as Scrooge woke up on that third morning and bounced around the stage so filled with joy and hope and love. Will I ever “bounce” again?

If there’s anything I’ve learned during this time of grief, it’s how to open my heart to the gift of love and compassion from my community. I haven’t had any “ghosts” visit me in my dreams to teach me, but I’ve had hoards of friends and family near and far who have reached out to provide comfort, love, and a respite from the grief that is always just sitting there at the edge of my heart…just waiting to bring me to my knees…again.

I want to express my unending gratitude to my BIG community of love. You all have been my solstice. My light. You have been my hope…as I work my way towards peace.

And…thank you Mr. Scrooge for giving me hope of having some “bounce” in my life again someday.