A Mom’s Story

This may not strike you as the right time for this humor…but it’s the right time for me. And as I’m learning about how to experience grief, I’m coming to understand that my journey is my journey. And I’m okay with that.

I read a blog post from Nancy Davis Kho today about her fall from a horse, a broken arm, and her musings during recovery. And she always gets me to musing. In my own weird way, Nancy’s story reminded me of a Niels (and mom) near death story from one of our many trips to Montana and Glacier National Park.

It was July and we were doing a rafting trip down the Middlefork River at the edge of “The Park”. Our friend Steve was there. He’s an adventurer. We are not! I should mention that Steve was in the Navy and is a cross-fit fanatic…so clearly, it was comforting to have him in the boat with us! I think Niels was about ten years old and Blair would have been eight. I would have been…#$%#@&+ years old…or around early to mid 40s? So…not in shape, not an adventurer…and privately terrified of the rapids!

We were all strapped into our life vests and were wearing hats, not helmets, I think. I’m pretty sure I acted like a good mom and made sure everyone had sunscreen on and “river” shoes. We each had a paddle and the hope that the “rapids” wouldn’t be too rapidy! Well…that was my hope! The kids were probably hoping for a wild ride! They got it!

As we gently made our way through the initial lazy ride, my confidence was boosted. This would be a piece of cake! Kind of like tubing on the Sacramento River with a 6-pack during my Chico heyday! And then…the water got a little bumpy…my heart started racing…and just like that…we were bouncing and tilting our way into the rapids.

We were all seated on the “bumpers” of the raft. (I don’t know what those are called.) I was at the back and Niels was in front of me. I think Blair was near Steve on the other side. Glen was there somewhere! We were being loudly directed to “paddle hard”. I did not feel at all stable on the “bumper”. As we started paddling hard, twisting our way into the rapids, my side of the raft came up out of the water. I did not feel at all secure in my hold on the raft. (I mean…were my thighs really all that were supposed to keep me on board?) And as my side tilted higher out of the water, I felt my grip on the “bumpers” get looser and what does every scared rafter do in that instance?

They grab onto the person in front of them to help them stay on board! Right?

In that split second, as I readied myself to save myself, my hands reached to the person’s vest in front of me…yes, ten year old Niels…and as I started to go overboard, pulling him with me, I had the sudden realization that I wasn’t going to survive and that I couldn’t take my son with me! So at the very last split second, I let go of his vest and sort of shoved him into the raft and I went…yes…a$$ over teakettle into the rapids.

Thankfully I had actually listened to the safety information (unlike on an airplane) and knew to get my feet in front of me, cross my arms over my chest and do everything I could to NOT to go under the raft. I bounced and slammed my way downriver and saw that…of course…I was headed straight at the raft and indeed was going to go under it..in fact, my feet were already being sucked under.

BUT…this is where Steve comes in! My HERO!!! He leaned over the raft, grabbed me by the life vest and threw me inside!!! That man is STRONG!!! (I was no lightweight.)

And now you are asking…Where does Niels come in to this near death story? (By the way, my family and Steve may dispute the danger I was in…but they are all wrong.)

Well…in hindsight…due to his mom’s bravery, Niels lived 24 ish more good years because the real hero in this story (me!) had the last minute good sense to NOT pull her ten year old son into the rapids with her!!! (I mean, after all, who knew if he had listened to the safety speech?!)

You’re welcome, world!