The Last Last?

Okay – here’s a topic that might spark some conversations.

Remember when our kids were little and we marked all of their “firsts”? First word. First step. First tooth. First successful potty trip. First prom. First driving experience. First college drop off (because sometimes there is more than one)? So many firsts to celebrate.

What about the “first last”?

When was the last time my baby boy crawled up in my lap for a nap? When was the last time my baby girl reached for my hand to cross the street? When did my mom last say my name knowing it was me? When was the last time my dad washed my windshield before I drove home? I wish I knew those lasts.

I’ve been listening to a GREAT podcast by Julia Luis Dreyfus called “Wiser Than Me”. (Here you go and you’re welcome.)

Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis-Dreyfus Lemonada

Applehttps://podcasts.apple.com › podcast › wiser-than-me-…

I think it was her interview of Ruth Reichel where they talked about aging and how we start to have new thoughts as we get older. For example, Ruth is thinking…when her cats die, will she be too old to get more? Will she live long enough to care for them? Ouch. There’s a certain finite aspect of that thought.

And yet, I’ve had the same thought. Dug, – the love of my life – it’s okay, my kids and husband know – is nine. I’ll likely outlive him and I’ll mourn him desperately, but will he have to be my last pup? Will I be too old to have another? What’s life without a pup?

And a bit on the shallower side of this thinking…I love my car. It’s a chambray blue convertible bug. It’s also nine years old (with low miles because after all…I am the little old lady from – well NOT Pasadena, but LA?). I’ve told Glen that I’ll never get rid of it. It doesn’t have any of the bells or whistles of newer cars. I mean, I could really use those back up cameras, but it let’s me put the top down so my gray hair can blow in the wind while I sing my favorite pop songs…think Pink, Fleetwood Mac, The Spice Girls – yes, it’s true, – Joss Stone (look her up), The Motels, Adele, Ricky Martin, Christina Aguilera, Shania Twain, Bruce Springsteen, …you get my vibe. But will it be my…last car?

Are these the kind of new thoughts that I’ll have to start weighing as I get older? Is this my last…?

And don’t get Glen started on famous Densmore “lasts”. My grandmother had about twenty “last” Thanksgiving dinners. I just made a comment to Glen that this Thanksgiving might be the “last” time to get the family together in LA. He just laughed. And rolled his eyes.

But you know what I didn’t see coming as a last? It was way to soon…Our last holiday with my sister who hosted EVERY holiday throughout our children’s childhood. There was no opportunity to say good bye to that important tradition in our lives. It just ended. Abruptly. Without warning. (I still miss her every day, but especially at the holidays.)

Yikes. That took a turn. But truthfully…how often do we know that something is our “last” something?

Glen and I are currently in New York City. Oh my, how I love this place. As mentioned in previous posts, we spent three months in Brooklyn at the beginning of my/our retirement. (It was Glen’s semi-retirement.) We really loved getting to know New York – especially Brooklyn and Manhattan.

When we arrived the other night and walked out of the airport…ahhhh…the smells – dank, grungy, fumey (is that a word?), lived-in smells. And that’s before we hit the neighborhood on TRASH day. Wait…I think EVERY day is trash day in NYC! And the sounds – horns blaring, people shouting at drivers, taxi drivers hollering for rides, security guys telling people to “move on”, the guy who gave Glen side eye and when he saw me looking askance at him told me to “mind your own damn business”, sirens…constant sirens. Ahhh. New York.

Today is our last day here. Argh. I said it…last. In our short trip we’ve packed a lot of experiences and tried to balance it with a pace that is doable for these older (aching) bodies. I don’t have a sense that this is our last trip to NYC, but it’s a BIG place so could this be our last stop at some favorite places? We went to the Brooklyn Museum to see the Spike Lee exhibit. We went a couple times when we were here a few years ago. Will we be back there on another trip? Was that our last Brooklyn Museum visit?

This morning I’m over in our old BedStuy “hood” to visit my favorite bakery and coffee shop on Halsey. Did I just have my last Saraghina croissant? I hope not. Because…it’s only a last time if you let it be a last time…

Unless you just don’t know. Ugh.