These photos taken at different times (obviously) are so revealing. And the one of Joyce is one of my top 5 photos I have of my most wonderful wife. She usually hates these photos I love.
Some of you know, as we have communicated privately with you, that we have decided to curtail this adventure and head home. Others will just be learning. And it is with both great and deep sadness along with hopefully enough hope to fuel my journey home and forward. I’ve written previously on the reasons. Simply our number one objective is impossible with my current unwellness.
Jim Kelley, one of the many deep loves and joys in my life, always stated that “The Universe” has answers for us. We each just need to put in our effort (sometimes trying easier) and “listen”. Well, nearly 20 years ago when Jim first said this to me, I looked at him like he was an alien from another planet. Then, over 10 years ago, The Universe took Jim from us. This clearly set me back in my belief and understanding.
Over the last 14+ years since my cancer diagnosis I have been on a journey to create greater harmony in my life. By harmony, I mean that all parts of my life sing like the most beautiful choir ever. I don’t care if your style choice runs to the Mormon Choir or the greatest African American choir. One can’t help but be moved by the harmony created. It is this kind of power of harmony I have been, am and will be seeking until I pass.
Much like other extremely challenging periods in my life (I think I am fortunate to have had at least my share), the greatest struggle is finding the meaning. Finding the learning. Finding the answers. And this is the tremendous beauty of these experiences. The greater the struggle, the more powerful the good stuff when you come out the other side. I speak of my cancer as the greatest gift I was ever given. I believe this to the depths of my being. And a gift I’d prefer to receive only once. THANK YOU!
One of the many gifts during 2008 was forcibly learning the power of vulnerability. When your physical wellness is so compromised you can not do the minimal necessary things for yourself to survive, you have to ask for help. And magic happens in that space. It did for me. Well, over the course of the last several days, I have seen myself slipping back there. Not fun. I am so trying to be better this time. Not lashing out in anger, but communicating hurt and need. It is a process for me.
We are scheduled to arrive home the evening of the 24th. I have a general plan that involves major changes in my life. I hope nothing more for myself than to have the courage to change, to truly accept the help of others, to execute the plan and to LISTEN.
I BELIEVE THE ANSWERS ARE THERE.