For Me, It Always Seems To Be Two

For those of you (and I believe it to be most) that get “it”, you are welcome from the deepest recesses of my heart. And for those others, I can only say, I am sorry and I hope you’ll tolerate me as I continue to emote.

I have two older brothers – Mike and Steve. One nearly three years older; the other right at four. My childhood memories conjure up the rainbow of emotions. Gratitude and anger. Seriousness and silliness. Adventure and drudgery that sometimes life can me. I can trace many of my joys in life, whether it be live music, the spectacle of politics or food and beverage to Steve. Mike taught me how to tear down a Honda 90 into its seeming 5,000 parts and put it back together; how to do auto body repair and paint a car. Little wonder they went on to highly successful careers. Mike as an Engineer. Steve as an Attorney. They were always the best teachers to me. It was not any kind of book learning. It was through the experience of tough love. No one can be tougher on a little boy than an older brother! THANK YOU STEVE AND MIKE FOR THE GIFT OF TOUGHNESS!

I really cherish my days as a Chico State student. I literally found myself in Chico. A big part of that experience was two life long friends – Galen and Steve. My goodness, we have some experiences that still makes us laugh on the rare occasion we are together. I rarely see them these days; I guess its a choice that I must bear the consequence. AND during life’s “big moments” these two are among the top of my “list”. During my journey with cancer they both came and spent time with me and figuratively, if not literally, held my hand. Yesterday I reached out to both and shared Mom’s passing. As I try to do more these days I told them I loved them and how special they are. Mom had a special place for Galen. He knew that AND knows that. One of the bonds that will forever hold us together? We are all “Mommas Boyz”!! AND DAMN PROUD!

Friendship is different to me. Perhaps different than most? I am not sure. I am not the easiest person. I know that about myself. I can be terribly opinionated . . . at exactly the wrong time. I take my role as a friend quite serious; things happen less “naturally” for me and with me. AND the most important thing for me as a friend, a true friend? Being that person that will hug you not when you want but need a hug. Being that person that will kick you in the ass when it is the last thing you think you need. AND I sometimes, and sometimes more than sometimes, make mistakes. BUT make absolutely no mistake, it comes from the best intent possible. I am naive enough, even pompous enough to believe that I can make a difference. Within a week of being diagnosed with cancer and after telling family and work I asked to meet with another two – Jim and Jim (My Two Jims – you are familiar with one, Jim Kelley). We had an incredibly emotional experience. I know I cried, a lot. AND they challenged me (swift kick in the ass and HUGE hug at the same time). The challenge? Could I find the opportunity in my diagnosis? Could I find the gift? I know I was not even partially ready for the message. For their gift to me. Yet . . AND their gift literally changed my life.

These last three days have been a roller coaster. I am emotionally exhausted AND exhilarated AT THE SAME TIME.

I need to stop as my physical day needs to begin. AND one last MOST IMPORTANT thought. I have others in my life that are INCREDIBLY important to me. This is not meant to demean or diminish those relationships! I hope it doesn’t. I will be better at telling you how much I love you!!

I am off to wander. I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE WHAT APPEARS NEXT!