I don’t like the nights

When the skies darken. When the car noise lessens. When the tv is quiet. When the sounds of BART pass through the open windows. When the ringing in my ears is screaming at me.

Because then my mind goes black. Black into my new reality. Black into the huge hole in my heart. Black into a pain that tears through my soul and shreds my belief in all that is good. I don’t like the nights. Too much space to feel, to mourn, to grieve, to cry.

And yet. The sun rises in the morning. It doesn’t ask my permission. It doesn’t waiver in its duty to brighten the day. To try to eek some bit of hope and joy into my existence. To fool me into thinking that…night won’t come.