This Way, Then That

This morning, I set on my wandering, AND just wandered emotionally . . . at least a bit.

The remnants of my fall of two days ago remains as a bothersome left hip. It is getting better. And is a stark reminder that, often, life evolves incrementally.

The title of this post is derived from Bonnie, she of our dear friends Todd & Bonnie. Todd and Bonnie love each other thoroughly. Yet they are incredibly different from each other. Todd is an analytical thinker, a scientist (PhD in chemistry from Cal) and (to me) represents everything in the scientist thought process. Bonnie, is every wonderful thing scientists are not. Pre pandemic we would go out dinner with them at least every four weeks. And when they were the drivers on our outings, it was ALWAYS Bonnie that was the driver. I won’t delve into why this is, let’s just say it is what it is. Directions are not Bonnie’s thing. AND over time, I came to recognize Bonnie’s use of the phrase “this way or that”. AND it was Todd and Bonnie speak for left turn or right turn. It was, and is with wonder that I observed them so effectively communicating.

I don’t know how to say this, other than just saying it. My Mom passed yesterday early evening. My brother Mike and his wonderful wife Angie were with her as she passed peacefully. I learned of this while watching the Warriors game via text. It is the most common way Mike, Steve and I communicate. AND as has become my tendency, I went to bed at halftime. This time with a more complicated intent. Certainly I have my Warrior “issues”. These took a background last evening. I read for a bit then laid quietly and asked my inner self to “be with” Mom while I slept.

I woke this morning with some sadness, AND also a clearness. It was early – 4:00 hour. I had my coffee. In the best of Thomas ways I thought of the things to do (call financial advisor, tell Linda (cousin on Dad’s side of family), ask Mike and Steve if I could text Sue (sister – it’s complicated), etc. AND with my mind cleared of this “stuff”, I set out on my wander. And wander I did. During my “best” wanders my mind races while my body ambles. This morning it was a combination of amble, pain, amble and more pain. I always make a conscious decision as I head out with a direction, a target, in mind. And this morning I just ambled. AND then the above title of this post popped into my head. This will be what I call my wanders. It is so clear to me it represents where I “am”. I think I may have the name of my “book”.

AND all of this brings me back to Mom. Boy how I love her and like her. She gave me all of the best parts of me. She nurtured me when others saw and punished me for failure. She prodded me when I needed a swift kick in the ass. She sought my council when I, myself, felt so unworthy of providing. AND she was the most selfless person I have ever been close. I’ve included three photos. They all take me back to Mom. The photo of my family in late 1964 or early 1965. Mom was the “rock” of our family. The one that allowed each of us to “be selfish” and come what we became. The second is of me as a new father with Niels. It might be second most favorite photo ever of Niels. Mom taught me every good trait I have as a Man and as a Father. The last is one of me (along with buddies Mike and Barry) as we pose on the “Diving Board” at the peak of Half Dome. I am standing on my Mom’s shoulders.

I HOPE TO SPEND THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF TIME TODAY REFLECTING AND LIVING – THAT IS WHAT MOM WOULD EXPECT OF ME!